Tigmani: Di ako nag-iisa (05152014)

Today we went on a tour of the most hard-hit areas during the typhoon. We first went to see a mass grave in Tanaoan and the tour guide was telling us that 5000 people were buried in that mass grave and not all of them were identified. Whole families were wiped out and nobody was left to grieve for them. It is so difficult to imagine that we do not even remember these people. They're just all "victims of Yolanda." That's not how someone, or anyone wants to be remembered by at all. 

The tour guide told us that they just always try to get back on their feet because as long as you are alove, you have a chance. Although, for the people who were left behind, the still always carry the weight with you. Even though there are debriefings, the traumatic experience never really goes away. It gets heavier and heavier to bear because I don't know these people and now nobody will ever know these people. I try to wish they had a good life but that's not really a consolation is it? Sometimes I wonder, maybe the dead are just better off post-disaster because at least they found rest. The people they left behind are scarred for life and are carrying dead weight forever.

Then I got to thinking about why the people in Leyte are called waray when in their dialect, waray means nothing. I thought maybe the reason why the people are called waray in general is because there is no individual person. They do not identify that way. They identify as a collective, hence there is no Waray person, there is only a Waray people. I kind of like that idea because that may be the reason why the were so strong amidst all this adversity. They knew they were not alone, and that everybody shares in their sentiments. Maybe this was also beneficial in how they can stand up faster. 
 

The tour was over and now we needed to work on our presentations for the governor the following day. We were working hard on the presentation for the provincial government, and there were so many voices, opinions, and ideas that it becomes confusing. People are talking over each other; we can’t seem to agree on things. Also add to that the other people who don't take it as seriously as I do.

After we finally worked out the presentation, we did a rough dry run of the ideas. People were imposing about their feedback, and it becomes hard to take criticism because of that. Sometimes they're right and accepting that is hard, especially when the comment was condescending.

But then you have to think about what we are working on. This is real. This could be the start of a big change. We are doing something big that students our ages do not usually get to experience. We are provided an opportunity to be change agents, especially in this place where they are standing up and they need a little help to stand up better than before. It is scary and exciting but more of exciting because this could be the world we will enter and I'm feeling more sure now that I want to do this. People are cracking in the stress while I a thriving in it and it sort of justifies to me that maybe the stress is worth it, knowing that I'm just me and I can do this. I can actually push for change by doing research and presenting it to someone who may be able to do something about it. But then, I need more than just me. This is so much greater than anything I've ever done before, and I need the collaborative effort of everybody for this. This just solidified the idea that I cannot, should not, and will not make a change on my own.